Slowly but surely

I’m really just starting my surrender. I got saved at age 18. Ive been a Christian for almost 12 years, but it took years for me to really get it and start growing spiritually. I was stubborn and stuck in my old ways. It took tragedies in my children to finally fully surrender to God. My first child was born healthy with no problems. Our second had a birth defect that messed up his stomach called pyloric stenosis. He had to have surgery, and was in and out of the hospital as a baby. The heartache of that whole ordeal was too much for me, and I was done having children. Surprise… When my second baby was just 9 months old I found out I was pregnant again. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I eventually got excited about. Literally 4 days after I came around to liking the idea of having another baby, we lost him. I was so crushed, mad, hurt. You name it, and that was me. In the midst of all that I still didn’t surrender and rely on God. I knew He was trying to get my attention, but I guess I just didn’t listen. Fast forward to a year later, and I was nine months pregnant. It was a rough pregnancy. I felt in my heart something was not right the whole time. At 38 weeks pregnant we learn that our sweet baby boy had a life threatening birth defect called posterior urethral valves. We had to deliver him that week. He was born with non functioning kidneys, bladder, and adrenal glands. His lungs were too small, and both collapsed. He had many other tiny problems going on too. He was barely hanging in there. I had no choice but to fully give myself and my son to God. He was the only way my baby was going to make it out of the hospital alive. That was the beginning of my true surrender. After 5 surgeries, dialysis, and six weeks in the NICU we carried our baby out of that hospital. He was alive, and off of dialysis. God had healed those kidneys just enough to work on their own. He was a miracle. A real live miracle. I was so in awe of God, and so very humbled. Since then I’ve just been trying to figure out what’s my place. How do I serve God now? He’s done so much for me, how do I give back? I just bought the anything book. I’m going to start the study with a friend, and see where God takes us! Really this is the very short version of my story. I could write and write all day, but I feel like this sums it up pretty good.