Memories

3 years ago I lost my beloved Grandmother. She was everything to me, my light, my rock, my safe haven. I was in college 8 hours away from her when she became sick. I was given one final day with her, but the cancer had taken over so much that she wasn’t even herself. I felt robbed of that time with her. I felt like I didn’t even get to say good bye. My faith was shaken so badly, I was, and still am ANGRY and BITTER. Angry with God for taking her, angry with my family for denying me time with her, and so bitter because I would trade anything in the world to have her back. I am getting married to an amazing man in just a couple very short months, and I am even more angry and bitter that she won’t be there to hold my hand and help me prepare. In all of this I am terrified of losing my memories of her, but I fear that in clinging to the wrong memories I am sabotaging my future. How do you let go of this kind of pain? How do you move forward? Recently I’ve been trying to come back to God, but it all feels empty. I read my bible, and I’ve started a few bible studies, and I pray, and I try to give all my worries to God, knowing he will take care of us, but I am still angry. I’m still angry at God, and I don’t know how to heal that.

  • Angela

    My grandmother is 92 year old. And she is so dear to my heart. She was the mother to me that my mother wasn’t. My shoulder to cry on, my best friends to laugh and share times and to think that I will be getting married one day and she may not be here is difficult. But let me remind you, you said that she was your everything, your light, your rock, your safe haven. God’s word says, Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Phillippians 4:8) You have memories of your grandmother that will walk you through this process, down the aisle, in your marriage, in your parenting, and in your future. THINK ON THESE THINGS BELOVED! Your grandmother wouldn’t want you angry, she would want you joyful! God gives and he takes away, but in his taking away, he has to prepare a place for you to see her again. He doesn’t do anything to harm those he loves, he makes them stronger and leaves memories of a lifetime. When you pray, began to thank God for your grandmother and allow his love and peace to come upon you. You know what, he gave you a great gift, and you can say that she was the best gift he could have ever given you. Be strong, be blessed! Praying for you! Angela

  • Adaeze Chukuemelie

    It’s okay to feel hurt, Angela. I have been there and still go there every once in a while but I have learnt to stand aside from my hurts and reflect on the privileges of the good, happy times. This allows me give my pains over easily. Try to wrap the pain up with the good memories and lay it before The Lord in thanksgiving. I will pray for you too. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.