God as My Provider

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“Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Mark 11:23-24

Provider.

A word that I never truly believed that the Lord would be for me. I thought that God works in certain areas of our lives and this was one that He just doesn’t work in.

But I was putting God in a box.

This past year I was walking this road called divorce and I was in a place where I needed to find a home for me and my children and I was scared.

Terrified.

You see I had some rough financial seasons when I was growing up and housing was an issue that I can remember struggling through. No, I wasn’t homeless but there were times where we didn’t have a place to call our own and had to live with friends until we were able to get a place. Being that I like to control things this became a huge fear of mine for myself and my own children on this new road that we were on. God doesn’t provide people homes. No, that was my job.

But again, I had put Him in a box.

God wasn’t going to do anything unless I believed He could do it.

As the above scripture says God can move mountains. He can do anything. Really. He needed me to believe He could do it.

Trust. In His provision.

When the time came to start looking for a home I was ready to tackle this head on. But one of the problems is that I knew based on my past that I had to be careful to not try and make an option fit because I wanted it to fit. I like to say that I can make a square peg fit into a round hole.

I was also coming from a place where I had just decided to surrender everything in my life to the Lord.

And I truly mean everything.

So, the Lord decided to put me to the test. Will I truly trust His promises that He is my provider? He knows my past. He knows all of our pasts. Our hurts. Our places that are hard for us to let go.

So, what did He ask of me?

Without a doubt I realized God wanted me to fully surrender my search for a home to him. He wanted me to wait on Him and not search for a home.

Yup. You heard that right.

Wait. On Him.

Now if you are thinking that this is crazy then you are totally in line with what I thought, because who actually waits on the Lord to provide them a home?

I remember thinking, “Lord, you can challenge me on all kinds of areas, but this one I am just not comfortable with. I’m not sure I really want to give this piece to you.”

But, then He gently reminded me that I made this promise of FULL surrender to Him and He wanted me to see Him provide in an amazing way.

So, I talked to my dearest friends and they confirmed with me that I needed to wait on the Lord and His provision for me, because we all need to have a community of people to help us discern the Lord’s voice from the other noises out there. (Another post coming soon.)

Here comes the crazy part,

I decided to wait.

I knew that if I wanted to see what the Lord had planned for me I had to trust Him. Trust His promises. So, this Type A control freak ,who had been looking for months already, put it all on hold.

And waited.

And waited.

But, in the waiting, the Lord would give me glimpses of His Plan. Give me possibilities and remind me that ANYTHING is possible with Him! It gave me the needed hope to remember that He was working on it. Things were falling into place and He was doing all of the heavy lifting. I just needed to wait. More.

But my fear had started to build and the enemy took full advantage of this fear and made me question this decision. Other people were questioning my decision too. So, I started to question. I started to look for a home myself. But with no results. Everything was too much, was already taken or just didn’t work out. I realized that in my questioning I had gotten my answer again.

“No, Amanda. I really need you to wait.”

And I felt guilty. That I didn’t wait. And I started to worry if God would change his mind since I had failed waiting.

But, He is such a gracious and loving God that of course He didn’t do that.

After three months of this painful, hard and messy waiting I received an email from a dear friend that shared with me something that changed everything. She and her husband had been talking for months about buying an investment property in the area and felt led by the Lord that they needed to purchase that rental now to provide for me and my family.

I was in shock. And in tears. (No surprise there. Get used to hearing that I cried.)

It gets better.

They not only wanted to provide for my family at a price that I could afford, they wanted me to help pick out the right home for me and my children. PICK IT OUT!

So, within 3 days we were out searching homes together to find my family’s new home. Every place we would walk into they would ask me if this would work. Do you think your kids would like it? How are the bedrooms?

I was speechless. You see these homes were so far and above anything that I had been looking at prior. As we drove from house to house I would just sit in my car and cry (told you!) and praise the Lord over and over again.

You are so so good!

You are providing like you promised. You really ARE!

So, when two homes fell through after we made offers I wasn’t worried, because the Lord had a specific home in mind. After all of this there was NO way He wasn’t going to provide.

And the moment we all walked in to the home I knew it was the one. I stood in awe of this home that He was providing for me and my children.

You see, a few weeks prior to this search process I had told my children of the impending divorce and I really was terrified to do that until I had found a home. But the time had come to tell them and in that moment the Lord calmed my fears.

Because I didn’t want my children to worry about where they would live. I didn’t want them to go through what I went through.

That is when the Lord reminded me that I was not the only one that needed to see that He would provide. My children needed it just as much as I did. I thought I was trying to protect them and I really wasn’t. I was taking away a moment that the Lord could teach ALL of us of His provision.

So, three weeks later we closed on this gift. His home.

I know. Unheard of.

And the day after I moved in I was blessed with my community of friends who came and brought gifts for me to start my home. I received things I never even received at my wedding.

I was so overwhelmed by His Grace I didn’t know what to say or do. And yes, you are right. I cried. No, I sobbed.

The Lord promises that He will provide what we need, but God didn’t provide what I needed. He provided even more. He provided everything I could possibly want.

He didn’t have to do that. I thought He wouldn’t because I had faltered on my path. Because we are humans full of sin. And we will falter all the time. I falter all the time.

But, God knows this of us and still chooses to love us. He chose to love us so much that He sent His only son, Jesus, to die for us so that we could be with Him forever.

As I walk this path of faith I am given moments that bring me closer to Him and this was definitely a HUGE one that has and still does. I get goosebumps writing this story even now. I realize as I get closer to Him that it makes me more and more in awe of Him. What a sinful creature that I am and what a gracious God who forgives over and over again.

I love sharing this story, but I also do want you to realize I don’t share this to say if you believe God will provide a home, a car, or whatever IT is that you need. I believe my story is a reminder of the importance of allowing God to be God. That there is no box that can hold Him if we allow Him that freedom. But, if we put Him in a box He will stay there. Not because He can’t get out but because He needs us to see what He is capable of doing in our lives.

I hope today you can open your box and allow God out to see what amazing and healing light He can bring into your life.