Failure

Failure

Yes… I’m a 43 year old single mom to a precious little boy who is about to turn 3. I never imagined my life would turn out this way. As a young woman I had lots of career aspirations. I pursued them, succeeded, did well… but felt empty. My first marriage failed. I waited 10 long years before marrying again and had prayed this prayer “God, I will not get married again unless this man loves you more than he loves me.” In 2006 I thought I met that man. The first two years of marriage were good.. but lots of adjusting. Then he turned to drugs. He’d been clean for a long time. I’d never known him as a drug user. I was caught off guard. Two weeks later I learned I was pregnant. I’d always wanted to be a mom… just not a single mom. Two month later my dad died suddenly. My husband relapsed again. The cycle continued to repeat itself until I finally had to surrender and say “I can’t fix this… only God can.” Our divorce was final 3 weeks ago. I’m sad. He’s chosen drugs over us. I want to be a good mom. I want to raise a son who lives a life of honor and integrity and chooses God over everything else. I am so afraid at times of failing him. I’m tired. I don’t make enough money… but I know I’m where God wants me. Fear of failure is a constant. I pray God will take it away. I want to do ANYTHING He wants me to do. I do!