~ control ~

I am afraid of my chronic health problems taking away my CONTROL and ‘ruining’ the plans I have for my life:
~ losing my dream (I was well on my way towards become a missionary pediatrician but recently had to withdraw from medical school as a result of my sickness)
~ keeping me from finding a husband (one near-marriage relationship ended partly due to my illness)
~ not being able to find a job and stay employed (because of potentially needing a lot of sick days)
~ always struggling financially (lots of hospital bills, very expensive medications, school loans to repay despite having no current income), etc.

I also fear that I will be a DISAPPOINTMENT to God, my friends and family, and myself.

But most of all, I’m afraid that I may become BITTER towards God as a result of these things. I’m afraid that the ‘what ifs’ will become my focus and I will lose sight of ‘what is’ and all of the provisions and blessings that God has already mercifully granted me.

  • http://twitter.com/JennieSAllen Jennie Allen

    I hear you… the fears can be paralyzing. Praying for peace and strength to want God more than any other thing. Thank you for sharing!

  • Guest

    I only found this site 5 minutes ago, but already resonating with your story. I hear your heart. And I am just a stranger that will pray for you. God loves you. Don’t give up. There will be a harvest. Trust Him. He knows.

  • Gina

    Praying that you will see God in your day today.