Anything but This

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I’m not writing this so that you can share it. I’m hopeful that maybe sometime in the future it will all make sense, and it will be a story worth sharing. But right now, today, I’m confused and scared, and my faith is wavering. A few months ago, I prayed Anything. I was feeling restless and hungry to know God more and I prayed it with all sincerity. Well, within just a few days, I was asked to step down from my leadership position in the ministry I had been working in and with for about 4 years. I took that as a sign from God that He was moving and that I was not where I was supposed to be. But it was just 2 months later that my husband entered some sort of midlife crisis of real proportions, and has decided to leave me, walking out on me and our three daughters. He will not explain it to me and is resisting the open hands of friends and his mentor to help walk him through this. So I sit here wondering why when I prayed Anything, my life started to fall apart. I want to believe that God is in here somewhere and that in the end it will all be for His glory. That he will redeem my husband, bring him home to us, and we will be able to point to Jesus and say only because of him did we walk the valley and make it into the promised land. But I can’t help but be confused and feel a small regret over this prayer, while I try to remind myself to cling to hope and know that if nothing else, if I know my God more at the end of this, it will have been worth it. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else’s Anything has looked like a disaster at first instead of the wonderful stories of “we started ministry” and “we adopted”. I just need to know that sometimes Anything looks like hell. Because mine does. I am praying and believing for the redemption of my husband and my family, that God will speak Truth to his chosen, adopted, and ransomed son, my husband, and bring him home to God and myself. I’m praying that my Anything will be an amazing story of sanctification and redemption. But if not, He is still good. Please do not share this publicly. Thank you.